Shadow Kiss Chapter 21

Twenty- iI COULD HARDLY WAIT for my day to end. Id promised Lissa Id hang verboten with her and the others after school. It should have been fun, simply the minutes dragged by. I was too restless. When curfew came near, I split false from them ran impale to my dorm. I asked the woman at the front desk if she could call up to Dimitris room off-limits to students because I had an imperative question for him. She had only if picked up the phone when Celeste whirled past.Hes non there, she told me. She had a large bruise on the side of her face. Some novice had gotten the better of her some novice who wasnt me. I ideate he was loss to the chapel. Youll have to see him tomorrow you weedt be there and back before curfew sleep togethers.I nodded meekly and acted like I was heading for the student wing. Instead, as soon as she was break of sight, I headed back outside again and ran to the chapel. She was chastise. I wasnt going to stain curfew, plainly hopefully Dimit ri could make sure I got back without getting in trouble.The chapels gates were unlocked when I reached them. I walked in and saw all the candles lit, making all the bullion ornaments in the room sparkle. The priest must pipe down be functional. b arely, when I stepped inside the sanctuary, he wasnt there. Dimitri was, however.He sat in the last pew. He wasnt praying or kneeling or anything. He just sat there, looking quite relaxed. Although he wasnt a practicing member of the church, hed told me he often found peace there. It gave him a chance to think about his demeanor and the deeds hed done.I always thought he looked good, but just then, something about him nearly made me come to a standstill. Maybe it was because of the background, all the polished wood and colorful icons of saints. Maybe it was just the way the candlelight shone on his dark hair. Maybe it was just because he looked unguarded, almost vulnerable. He was normally so wound up, so on edge but even he urgenc yed the occasional moment of rest. He seemed to glow in my eyes, kind of in the way Lissa always did. His normal tension returned when he heard me come in. roseate, is everything okay? He started to stand, and I motioned him calibrate as I slid into the spot beside him. The faint smell of incense lingered in the air.Yeah well, kind of. No breakdowns, if thats what youre worried about. I just had a question. Or, well, a opening.I explained the conversation with Alice and what Id deduced from it. He listened patiently, conceptualization thoughtful.I know Alice. Im not sure shes credible, he utter when I finished. It was similar to what hed verbalize about Victor.I know. I thought the same thing. But a hook of it makes sense.Not quite. As you pointed out, why are your visions so irregular here? That doesnt go on with the ward theory. You should feel like you did on the plane.What if the wards are just weak? I asked.He shook his head. Thats impossible. Wards take months to wear down. New ones are move in place here every two weeks.That often? I asked, unable to hide my disappointment. Id known maintenance was frequent but not that frequent. Alices theory had almost provided a sound explanation, one that didnt involve me world insane.Maybe theyre getting staked, I suggested. By humans or something like we saw before.Guardians walk the grounds a few times a day. If there was a stake in the borders of campus, wed notice.I sighed.Dimitri moved his hand all over mine, and I flinched. He didnt remove it, though, and as he did so frequently, guessed my thoughts. You thought if she was right, it would explain everything.I nodded. I dont trust to be crazy.You arent crazy.But you dont believe Im in reality seeing ghosts.He glanced apart, his eyes staring at the flickering of candles on the altar. I dont know. Im still try to keep an open caput. And world stressed isnt the same as being crazy.I know, I admitted, still very conscious of how warm his hand was . I shouldnt have been thinking about things like that in a church. But well theres something else.I told him then about Anna possibly catching Vladimirs insanity. I also explained Adrians aura observations. He turned his gaze back on me, expression speculative.Have you told anyone else about this? Lissa? Your counselor?No, I said in a small voice, unable to meet his eyes. I was afraid of what theyd think.He squeezed my hand. You have to mental block this. You arent afraid of throwing yourself in the path of danger, but youre terrified of letting anyone in.I I dont know, I said, looking up at him. I guess.Then whyd you proclaim me?I smiled. Because you told me I should trust people. I trust you.You dont trust Lissa?My smile faltered. I trust her, absolutely. But I dont take to tell her things thatll make her worry. I guess its a way of protecting her, just like keeping Strigoi away.Shes stronger than you think, he said. And she would go out of her way to help you.So what? You wan t me to let out in her and not you?No, I want you to confide in twain of us. I think itd be good for you. Does what happened to Anna bother you?No. I looked away again. It scares me.I think the admission stunned both of us. I certainly hadnt expected to say it. We both froze for a moment, and then Dimitri wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest. A sob built up in me as I rested my cheek against the leather of his coat and heard the steady beating of his heart.I dont want to be like that, I told him. I want to be like everyone else. I want my mind to be normal. Normal by Rose standards, I mean. I dont want to lose control. I dont want to be like Anna and kill myself. I love being alive. Id die to save my friends, but I hope it doesnt happen. I hope we all live long, happy lives. Like Lissa said one big happy family. Theres so much I want to do, but Im so scared scared that Ill be like her. Im afraid I wont be able to stop itHe held me tighter. Its not going to happ en, he murmured. Youre wild and impulsive, but at the end of the day, youre one of the strongest people I know. Even if you are the same as Anna and I dont think you are you two wont share the same fate.It was funny. Id often told Lissa the same thing about her and Vladimir. Shed always had a hard time believing it, and now I understood. grown advice was a lot harder than following it.Youre also missing something, he continued, running a hand over my hair. If you are in danger from Lissas magic, then at least you understand why. She can stop using her magic, and thatll be the end of it.I pulled away slightly so I could look at him. Hastily, I ran my hand over my eyes in case any tears had escaped.But can I ask her to do that? I said. Ive felt how it makes her feel. I dont know if I can take that away from her.He regarded me with surprise. Even at the cost of your own life?Vladimir did great things so could she. Besides, they come first, right?Not always.I stared. Id had they com e first drilled into me since I was a child. It was what all protectors believed. Only the dhampirs whod run away from their duty didnt subscribe to that. What he said was almost like treason.Sometimes, Rose, you have to know when to put yourself first.I shook my head. Not with Lissa. I might as well have been with Deirdre or Ambrose again. why was everyone suddenly challenging something that Id held as absolute truth my entire life?Shes your friend. Shell understand. To make his point, he reached forward and tugged at the chotki peeking out underneath my sleeve, his fingertips brushing my wrist.Its more than than that, I said. I pointed to the cross. If anything, this proves it. Im bound to her, to protect the Dragomirs, at all costs.I know, but He didnt finish, and honestly, what could he have said? This was becoming an old argument, one without a solution.I need to get back, I said abruptly. Its past curfew.A wry smile crossed Dimitris face. And you need me to get you back or youll get in trouble.Well, yeah, I was kind of hoping.We heard some rustling near the door of the sanctuary, and Father Andrew walked in, which definitely ended our session. He was getting set to shut down the chapel. Dimitri thanked him, and then the two of us headed back to the dhampir dorm. Neither of us spoke along the way, but it was a comfortable silence. It was weird, but since his detonation outside the med clinic, I felt like something had intensified between us, as impossible as that seemed.Dimitri got me past the woman at the front desk, and just as I was about to head off for my wing, a guardian named Yuri walked by. Dimitri called to him.Youve been working with security, havent you? When was the last time they laid new wards?Yuri considered. A friction match days ago. wherefore?Dimitri gave me a meaningful look. on the nose curious.I nodded to Dimitri to come on that I understood his point, and then I went off to put on. by and by that, the next week or so played out in a repetitive pattern. I followed Christian for three days a week, had my counseling sessions, and trained with Dimitri. During those times, I could see the refer on Dimitris face. He always asked how I was but didnt push me to talk about anything I didnt want to. Mostly, it was all physical training, which I liked since it didnt exact too much ruminating.Best of all, I didnt see Mason during this time.I also didnt witness any attacks of either the Man? type or the guardian type.We were in full throes of the athletic field experience, and every other novice in my class was having regular fights. The tests grew intricate and more difficult, and everyone had to stay on their toes. Eddie seemed to have to assert Lissa every other day from some guardian playing Strigoi but it neer happened when I was around. In fact, no attacks at all happened to anyone when I was around. After a while, I began to get the idea. They were going soft on me. They were worried I couldnt handle it.They might as well have cut me from the field experience after all, I grumbled to Christian one evening. Im not doing anything.Yeah, but if you still pass, why worry about it? I mean, do you actually want to get in a fight every day? He then rolled his eyes. Never mind. Of course you do.You dont understand, I told him. This job isnt about fetching the easy way out. I want to prove what I can do to them and to myself. You can never get enough practice. I mean, Lissas life is at stake. And also possibly my future with her. Id worried before that they might decide to replace me and that was before they thought I was nuts.It was nearly curfew time, and I was dropping him off for the night. He shook his head. Rose, I dont know if youre crazy or not, but Im actually starting to think you might be the best guardian or soon-to-be guardian out there.Did you just give me a serious compliment? I asked.He turned his back on me and headed inside his dorm. Good night.My life was still in chaos, but I couldnt help a small grin as I headed back toward my dorm. The walk always made me neuronal since I now lived in perpetual fear of seeing Mason. There were other people scurrying back before curfew too, though, and he mostly tended to memorialise up when I was alone, either because he preferred the privacy or because he really was a figment of my imagination.Talking about Lissa reminded me that Id hardly seen her today. halcyon and content, I let my mind slip into hers while my body continued its walk.She was in the library, hurriedly attempt to finish up some notes. Eddie stood near her, glancing around. bust hurry up, he said teasingly. Shes making another round.Almost done, Lissa said, scrawling a few more words.She shut the textbook just as the librarian came by and told them they had to leave now. With a sigh of relief, Lissa stuffed her papers into her bag and followed Eddie out. He picked it up and carried it over his shoulder as they went.You dont have to d o that, she said. You arent my valet.You can have it back as soon as you fix that. He gestured to where she was tangled up in her coat. Shed shoved it on while trying to get out of the library on time. She laughed at her own disorderliness and adjusted the inside-out sleeve.Thanks, she said when he handed it back.No problem.Lissa liked Eddie though not in a romantic kind of way. She just thought he was nice. He did things like that all the time, helping her out while still doing an excellent job in his duties. His motives werent romantic, either. He was just one of those rare guys who could be both a gentleman and a badass. She had plans for him.Have you ever thought about asking Rose out?What? he asked.What? I thought.You guys just have so much in common, she said, trying to sound casual. Inside, she was excited. She thought this was the best idea in the world. For me, it was one of those moments where being in her mind was being too close to her. I would rather have been standin g beside her so I could shake some sense into her.Shes just my friend, he laughed, his face taking on kind of a cute shyness. And I dont think wed actually be that compatible. Besides His expression fell. I could never go out with Masons girlfriend.Lissa started to say what I always told her, that I hadnt actually been Masons girlfriend. Wisely, she instead chose to let Eddie keep believing the best. Everyone has to move on sometime.It hasnt been that long, not really. Just over a month. And its not really something you get over quickly. His eyes had a sad, faraway look that hurt both Lissa and me.Im sorry, she said. I didnt mean to make it sound like something small. What you saw I know it was horrible.You know whats weird? I actually dont remember much of it. And thats whats horrible. I was so drugged out that I had no idea what was going on. I hate that you have no idea. Being helpless like that its the worst thing in the world.I felt the same way. I think it was a guardian th ing. Eddie and I had never talked about it, though. Wed never even talked about Spokane much.It wasnt your fault, Lissa told him. Strigoi endorphins are strong. You couldnt have fought against them.I should have tried harder, he countered, holding the door to her dorm open. If Id been even a little more conscious I dont know. Mason might still be alive.Eddie and I, I realized, should both have been in therapy as soon as we got back from winter break. I finally understood why everyone said blaming myself for Masons death was irrational. Eddie and I were both holding ourselves responsible for things that had been beyond our control. We were torturing ourselves with guilt we didnt deserve.Hey, Lissa. Come here.The serious subject was put on hold as Jesse and Ralf waved at her from across the dorms lobby. My defenses immediately went up. So did hers. She didnt like them any better than I did.Whats this about? asked Eddie warily.I dont know, she muttered, walking over. I hope its fast.J esse gave her a egregious smile, one that I had once found really hot. Now I saw it for the fake piece of crap it was. Hows it going? he asked.Its going tired, she replied. I need to get to bed. Whats up?Jesse looked over at Eddie. Would you give us a little privacy? Eddie looked at Lissa. She nodded, and Eddie backed up enough to be out of earshot but still watch her. When he was gone, Jesse said, We have an invitation for you.To what, a party?Kind of. Its a group Ralf wasnt so good with words, and Jesse took over again.More than a group. Its only for elite people. He gestured around. You and me and Ralf were not like a lot of other Moroi. Were not even like a lot of other royals. We have concerns and issues that we need to take care of. I thought it was funny that hed include Ralf. Ralfs royalty came from his mother, a Voda, so he didnt even acquire one of the royal names, even if he technically had the blood.It sounds kind of snobby, she said. No offense. Thanks for the offer , though. That was Lissa. Always polite, even to creeps like these.You dont understand. We arent just sitting around. Were working to get things done. Were he hesitated and then spoke more softly, working on ways to get our voices out there, to make people see our way no matter what.Lissa gave an uncomfortable laugh. Sounds like compulsion.So?I couldnt see her face, but I could feel her working hard to keep it as straight as possible. Are you out of your mind? Compulsions forbidden. Its wrong.Only to some people. And apparently not you since youre pretty good at it.She stiffened. Why would you think that?Because someone a couple people, actually hinted at it. People? I tried to remember what Christian and I had said in the feeder room. Wed never mentioned her by name, though both of us had bragged about having seen someone use compulsion. And apparently, Jesse had noticed other things about her. Besides, its actually kind of obvious. People love you. Youve gotten out of so mu ch trouble, and I finally figured out why. Youve been working people over this whole time. I was watching you in class the other day when you convinced Mr. cumulation to let Christian work with you on that project. He never would have let anyone else do that.Id been with them in class that day. Lissa actually had used compulsion on her teacher to get help for Christian. Shed been so caught up in her pleas that shed compelled Mr. Hill without even realizing it. Compared to other things Id seen her do, it had actually been a pretty weak show of compulsion. No one had noticed. Well, almost no one.Look, Lissa said uneasily, I seriously have no idea what youre talking about. I need to go to bed.Jesses face grew excited. No, its okay. We think its cool. We want to help you or actually, we want you to help us. I cant believe I never noticed it before. Youre really good at it, and we need you to show us. Plus, none of the other Man? chapters has a Dragomir. Wed be the first to have every royal family represented.She sighed. If I could use compulsion, Id make you guys go away. I told you, Im not arouse.But we need you exclaimed Ralf. Jesse shot him a sharp look and then turned his smile back on Lissa. I had this weird feeling he might actually be trying to compel her, but it had absolutely no effect on her or me, since I was watching through her eyes.Its not just about you helping us. There are groups of Man? at every school, said Jesse. He was leaning close, and suddenly, he didnt look very tender anymore. Its members are all over the world. Be a part of it, and youll have the connections to do whatever you want with your life. And if we can all learn to work compulsion, we can stop the Moroi government from doing stupid things we can make sure the queen and everyone else make the right decision. Everything about this is good for youIm doing fine on my own, thanks, she said, stepping back. And Im not really sure you know whats best for the Moroi.Fine? With your Strigoi boyfriend and slutty wannabe guardian? exclaimed Ralf. He spoke loudly enough to get Eddies attention, and Eddie did not look happy.Be quiet, Jesse told him angrily. He turned to Lissa. He shouldnt have said thatbut hes kind of right. Your familys reputation is all on you, and the way youre going, no ones taking you seriously. The queens already trying to keep you in line and get you away from Ozera. Youre going to crash and burn.Lissa was growing angrier and angrier. You have no idea what youre talking about. And She frowned. What do you mean shes trying to get me away from Christian?She wants to marr Ralf started to speak, but Jesse immediately cut him off.Thats exactly what Im talking about, said Jesse. We know all sorts of things that could affect you and help you you and Christian.I had a feeling that Ralf had been about to mention the queens plans to marry Lissa off to Adrian. I was puzzling out how he would know about that until I recalled again that Ralf was re lated to the Vodas. Priscilla Voda was the queens advisor and best friend. She knew all of the queens plans and had probably told Ralf. His relationship to her must have been closer than Id realized.Tell me, Lissa demanded. The thought of using compulsion on him actually crossed her mind, but she dismissed it. She wouldnt lower herself to that. What do you know about Christian?No free information, said Jesse. Come to a meeting and well tell you everything.Whatever. Im not interested in your elitist connections, and I dont know anything about compulsion. Despite her words, she was insanely curious about what he knew.She started to turn away, but Jesse grabbed her arm. Damn it You have to Lissas going to bed now, said Eddie. Hed shot over as soon as Jesse touched her. Remove your hand, or Ill do it for you.Jesse glared at Eddie. Like most Moroi-dhampir matchups, Jesse had height, and Eddie had muscle. Of course, Jesse had Ralfs bulk too, but it wouldnt matter. Everyone there knew who would win if Eddie went up against them. The beauty of it was that Eddie probably wouldnt even get in trouble if he claimed hed done it to save Lissa from harassment.Jesse and Ralf slowly backed off. We need you, said Jesse. Youre the only one. Think about it.When they were gone, Eddie asked, Are you okay?Yeahthanks. God, that was so weird. They moved toward the stairs.What was it about?Theyre obsessed with this royal society or something and want me to join so they can have every royal family in it. They were kind of fanatic about it. Eddie knew about spirit, but she wasnt comfortable reminding him what a badass she was with compulsion.He opened the door for her. Well, they can annoy you all they want, but they cant make you join something you dont want to.Yeah, I suppose. Part of her still wondered what they knew about Christian or if it had been a bluff. I just hope they dont get too annoying.Dont worry, he told her, his voice hard. Ill make sure they dont.I slipped back to my b ody and opened the door to my own dorm. Halfway up the stairs, I discovered I was smiling. I certainly didnt want Jesse and Ralf bothering Lissa, but if it came down to Eddie having to rough them up? Yeah. I wouldnt mind seeing them get a little payback for what theyd done to others.